29 Things

It's come to this...Tomorrow is my birthday. Ugh! I know most people would say "It's my Birthday!" jump around, maybe slap a few high fives, and be ecstatic that they get to celebrate a day dedicated to themselves. I'm sorta in that category, but it's more like "It's my Birthday...." Slam head onto desk or any other hard surface near by. Why do you ask is this such a sore spot for me? Well I am turning 29..."insert dark horrifying music here". It's not so bad you say? HA! Maybe not for you, but for me it is. I have many reasons but mainly it's because I won't get any Birthday cuddles from a hunk-a-hunk-a burnin love, or sweet messages from cute little offspring that look strangely like me. Your day will come...blah blah...there is someone out there for you...blah blah... Hold your breath please for I have heard it all. I know its all true, it does not however make things any easier. Turning 29 for many of you is perhaps a mile stone, you're almost thirty and have a Mormon dozen of little ones that light up your life. Turning 29 means for me that my original plan for 6 kids diminished at age 27, and my plan for 4 kids is looking pretty slim as I enter the dark ages! haha j/k. I'm thinking that 2 kids is more likely in my future. Which will make me all the more grateful for them when I have them. So that is the down side to turning 29. The upside to getting older: it will become more socially acceptable to say old person things that others will find "hilarious" because I am so old. hahaha "Oh bless her heart, she's gone and lost her mind." These are the things that a younger generation will say about me. And I will respond with more hilarious, possibly slightly crude, remarks that make them slap their knee & hoot n' holler. But until then I would like to share 29 things that I have learned in the past years of my dying youth. "sniff, sniff"

1. Making wishes on 11:11 for 15+ years will not make them come true. Even if you see it on 3 different clocks . :)
2. You can make as many goals as you want, but if you don't actually do something to make them happen they will still be on your check list a year from now.
3. Sometimes you need a mental health day: call into work once and a while. The world will still keep moving without you there.
4. No matter what the book "He's just not that into you" says, it does not make that fact that he is not that into you any easier to deal with. It will hurt usually for a lot longer than you wish it would.
5. Without spell check I would be lost! I feel as though I have gotten dumber because of this little convenience.
6. If I had more money, I would probably have a gambling addiction! No joke...just one more spin is all it takes to win big. Or so they say.
7. I am one of the lucky ones that does not get cramps when My "Aunt" comes to visit. I never knew how blessed I was from this until I got them one time & had to actually call Angie to ask her what was going on. I thought I was dying!!! Thank goodness it only lasted 2 hrs :) I was however "punished" for not suffering every month, as Melanie says, a few months ago. A cyst on the ovaries is PAINFUL!!!!! Especially when it lasts 7 weeks. BLEH!
8. I can live without cable. Shocker I know, but it's true it can be done.
9. It's ok to be selfish once and a while. Just don't be too greedy.
10. If you hold back you have no one but yourself to blame. People cannot read minds! Even though I really wish they did....sometimes at least.
11. You can blog a hundred times a day and there may still only be one person (most likely yourself) that will read it. It's ok! Because you are doing it for you, no one else.
12. Fitting into shorts you couldn't fit into a year ago is probably one of the BEST feelings one can have!
13. If you have had a friend for more than 16 yrs you are incredibly lucky! I have 2, that makes me super lucky!
14. I will never fit into a bikini....And I am OK with that! Cuz I really do not want to wear a bikini!
15. I have accepted that I could be considered a Utahan since I have lived here 5 years. But I refuse to deny my Idaho roots!
16. I am just as shy and intimidated as I was in high school! I can just act better :)
17. No matter how much you believe your childhood home/town will not change...it does. It makes me sad, because I have a hard time letting go of the past.
18. Everyone has that one thing, that one show, or activity that makes them happy, but others will always question why.
19. It is really important to WASH your face! Blackheads are the devil!
20. Save your money! It goes fast.
21. Angie is the only person I will take pant shopping. She tells the truth. Everyone need that one person that can tell you if you really do in fact look fat in those jeans.
22. You can workout for hours and hours days upon days, but if you keep eating those doughnuts, you will still look the same!
23. Take care of yourself. You can not solve the worlds problems. Just smile and nod until they go away.
24. Sometimes learning things about the people you admire can be damaging.
25. Decide what is worth your energy when it comes to complaining. Some things are easier to just let go, and it saves your friends from listening to you whine!
26. A classic PB & J will never go out of style. It is most delicious in every way.
27. Indian food is AMAZING!
28. You can overcome your hatred for things. Like onions, peppers, tomatoes. I wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole as a kid. Now I rather enjoy them. Except mushrooms....GROSS!
29. Do your best to enjoy life. Do not waste it. If you are wasting it, try to enjoy the rest of your life as much as you can.

Week #3

     Let's discuss the 3 lbs I gained.....on second thought, let's not discuss it. Or mention it EVER again! I am ticked, frustrated, depressed, annoyed and any other descriptive word you can come up with to describe failure! That is how I feel. To the core....ok, maybe not to the core. But I am still disgusted that I gained back 3 of the lbs I lost last week.  I know, things change. Weight will go up and down, look at the positive, don't lose hope...blah blah blah.....I've heard it all before, and so have you. I'm not quitting. But I'm not positive either. I just need to be mad about this for 5 seconds. We all need those days to regroup and focus on what really matters. Which for me is eating better than before. I was terrible this weekend. Literally I gained the 3 lbs in 2 days! I went out to eat, drank soda, and had all sorts of snacks. I'm done. I cannot stand to be this way ANYMORE!!! I have to fight to stay in the game, or everyone else wins. No, I am not doing this for other people so please don't think that. Others can get strong too, so why not me? That is what I mean.

 Ok.....I think I'm done now. Feeling better. Sorta...ok not really. But I will be soon. 

Week #2

        Week 2.....Bleh Bleh Bleh! That is all I have to say. I didn't do much working out, I felt like I ate WAY too much food, and yet.....I am down another pound! Say What?!?!?! The total thus far is 5.8 lbs lost. I'm half way to my goal. It makes me happy. I don't really feel like I've lost 5 lbs, actually I can't even tell. But I will take it either way.

    Last week was a struggle for me. I had some pretty low days where all I wanted to do was be lazy, avoid the world, and watch T.V. I almost said to heck with it all. Why should I try when I will just fail? I was beginning the trend that I so often do which is give up before I've even started. Staying positive is hard when you have failed so many times in the past. Angie is doing a great job cheering me on. We are taking a Zumba class and a kickboxing class together. Add that on top of the Zumba classes I'm doing with my friends from work and I should be rockin my motto "Hot Damn" soon!

    I'm glad I have the friends I do. They are working on getting healthier too, so it's good motivation for me to keep going. That, and I get the guilt trip if I miss a class :) Last Saturday we all did a 5k. Never in my life would I have guessed that I would do a 5k. But I did. It was under an hour, which for walking 90% of the time is pretty good I'd say. There are now plans to do another 5k in May. I'm not nearly as conditioned as Rochelle and Shalece, but I've got a week or two to get my butt in gear and train as much as I can. I really just want to do it so I can prove to myself that I can do a 5k in a decent time. Decent would be a half hour. I just decided that. Don't compare it to pro's time ;)
   

Week One

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I'm Baaaaaaack!

           I know you are all very excited to have me back to fill the void that was left in your hearts. ;) In reality there are probably many of you who won't even notice that I am back. That's a-okay with me! I'm going to try something a little different and the less people read the better! haha

           It's been a long, like 4 score and 7 years ago long, that I have felt comfortable in my own skin. Generally I'm happy. Or so I think I am, and I can usually make people believe that I am anyways. But underneath it all I struggle. Nobody wants to be an almost 29 single lady that nobody wants to put a ring on it. Then there is of course the 29 year battle I have had with my weight. Thank God for my height or you would be disgusted I'm sure. Ok maybe not, but that is how I often feel. I always feel like hiding who I am. That is why in the heat of the summer you can be sure to see me in jeans. I own exactly one pair of shorts, and never wear them around groups of people I know. In fact I hate summer. Don't get me wrong I am over joyed that there is no more blistering cold wind, or heavy wet snow to get me soggy. I hate it for the simple reason that I have to come out of hiding. Hiding under over sized sweatshirts, and jackets that cover what I can't stand to look at most days. I haven't admitted that to a lot of people. It's hard to let people in on the secrets of your life! (but I am comforted that only about 2 people will read this ;)

        Back to why I have revived this blog. 12 weeks. Did you know that is how long it takes to make an impact on your health. Doesn't seem like a long time at all huh? I am hoping to make an impact on mine. A group of us at work actually did a 12 week challenge to see who could lose the most weight. Everyone paid $20 and the race was on. Except after the first week...I gave up. I flat out gave up. In the deepest recesses of my mind I knew I couldn't do it. So I played along saying I was trying when really only about 1/4 of my heart actually cared. The no good terrible thing about it...It was MY idea to do the weight challenge. I thought for sure that by making it a competition and involving money I would be more motivated. Clearly, I was wrong. After 12 weeks I had only lost 0.8 oz. Not even a full pound!!!  Disaster in the biggest of ways.

        My mind is in a different mode now. I hate dieting. I mean hate hate hate it with a the fiery passion of hell hate it! And I've been doing it since I was at least 12 yrs old. That is more than half of my life! It shouldn't be this hard to get where I want to be. And yet it is, and it gets harder and harder every time it doesn't work. I don't ever want to be on a diet again! Obviously I can't say that and it be completely true, cuz I know who I am and how I work. I just want to be happy in my body. Not afraid to walk around in shorts and a t-shirt. Never having to worry about 'hiding" again.

       About a month or so ago I heard the worst news ever. Actually it was my biggest most dreaded fear in life. A so called 'friend' of mine told another friend that if he were my boyfriend he would have to dump me because I had gotten so fat. Yes, it was my worst nightmare come true. That the reason why I am still single is because I am too fat for anybody to love. Oh how the heavens hated me that day. I cursed, and cursed some more. But I didn't cry over it. I don't know why exactly, usually something like that would have sent me in to fits of sobs. It didn't happen this time. Instead in the back of my mind I thought to myself, "I am going to make you eat your words by getting hot and shoving it in your face!"

              I don't think people know how hard I've tried to better my self in the past ump-teen years. It never seems to show. I am determined to make it show this time! In 72 days I will turn 29. I want to celebrate this year with a sense of accomplishment. That I did something I never thought was possible. It's 11 weeks to my birthday, not quite the 12 weeks I told you about, but in those 11 weeks I am hoping for a small victory. 10 lbs. That's only a small dent in what I really want to lose. Baby steps. I have to keep telling myself baby steps. This will not be a diet, no, in fact it will be a change of heart. Where 100% means happiness. I decided that the time to hide is over, so to make sure I don't; the blog has re-opened for business. I will give at least a weekly account as to how I am doing hopefully motivating me to do better! Sorry for the long post, I wrote WAY more than I intended. Hope that's ok.

For one night only!!

I had to share these quotes with someone. And Blogger land seemed more fitting than Facebook land. So for one night only I am returning! Please please...hold the applause.

"The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present"

"You can’t change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future"

"The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it"

Do you see a pattern here? Please don't misinterpret the meaning of these quotes. I simply need to take the things from the past and make them better. And eventually move on to a more awesome me :) This is the new goal for my 28th year of life. (28! What?!?!? I still feel like I am 16! Thankfully I still have 20 blissful days of being 27.) Lets shoot for a great 28th year! A more positive and exciting and maybe a little more eventful 28th year as well :)

Over it

So I'm sad to say to all of my...2 followers of this blog, that I am calling it quits. It just doesn't seem to have a purpose anymore. At least to me that is. It will still be up and running, mostly so I can look at all my friends lovely blogs that they keep up so well! :) Maybe when I have something important to say I will post again. Until then I will just rely on others for gossip and updates hehehehhe. "muah"!